The guy from Drowning Pool drowned in his own puke. Irony is hilarious.

The passed few weeks have proven to be extremely difficult and also a big fucking mess of FUCK MY LIFE.
Between losing my job, leaving my piece of shit boyfriend, becoming homeless, finding out my grandma has breast cancer, my dad refusing FREE rehab and a FREE liver transplant because he doesn't want to stop drinking, my phone getting shut off, seeing my rapist on the street, all my friends unloading all of their own shit storms of problems on me as if I could possibly have any answers, and my favorite cat ever dying... I am due for a nervous breakdown at any moment.
I have a metric ton of shit dumping on me all at once, and let me tell you, it is getting a little stuffy in here.
I have caught myself almost screaming, "R2 SHUT DOWN ALL THE FUCKING TRASH COMPACTORS!!" As I wade through the garbage that I have let my life get buried in.
One of the things I can say about myself in confidence is that I am a fighter. I am a victim of circumstance, but despite the shitty hand I was dealt, I have always been able to deal and stay positive. I have never been one to let the negatives in my life take over the positive. I am an emotional Fort Knox for the most part.
But dude, I am still a girl, and sometimes, I just wanna snuggle.
I realize that as hard and tough as I WANT to be, every once in a while I get over whelmed and want someone to be like, "Ya know what man? You are gonna be ok."
I am damn good at taking responsibility for problems in my life that I have caused. Sometimes too good, in that I blame myself for things that I had no control over. I try my best to not attend my own pity parties. But right now, I just want to cut off all my fingers except the middle ones and wave at everyone as I ride off into the sunset.
Or just have a cute boy tell me I am pretty.
Shit, I told you I was a girl.
I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, but I do wish I had someone that I could talk and relate to, that won't just wait for me to stop talking so they can talk about themselves.
I am not Dr. Phil. I cannot help you.
I am about two years clean and there have only been two times since my last time using that I have gotten the itch so bad that I have literally had to leave the room that my phone was in, go smoke 5 cigarettes, and shake for a minute. I have felt like that non stop the past two days. Heroin was such a good fucking listener.
I have started a list of things I need to do to get myself out of this mess.
Hopefully it works.

/EndWhineSession